Making birth control a shared effort

If you’re the one choosing a birth control method, keeping track of when it needs renewing, paying for it, and dealing with its side effects, you might wonder, “Am I the one who has to handle everything?” The mental load of birth control is real.

For cis men, the question may sound a little different: “Other than condoms, there aren’t many birth control methods I can use myself. So how can I help?” If you’re looking for ways to share the responsibility, you’re in the right place.

Why should everyone involved take part?

Since an unplanned pregnancy can affect everyone involved, it makes sense for everyone to share responsibility for preventing one.

Birth control often involves planning, keeping track of different tasks, and managing side effects with many methods. Sharing the responsibility can make that work more visible and help distribute it more fairly.

How can sharing the mental load of birth control help?

Getting involved is a concrete way to say, “I’m here; we’re in this together.” Sharing the responsibility can lighten the mental load, strengthen a sense of mutual support, and ease some worries about birth control. For some people, it can also make more room for pleasure in their intimate life.

Why does this responsibility so often fall unevenly?

Birth control is often treated as one person’s responsibility. Social norms, in particular, tend to place more of that responsibility on women and people who can become pregnant.

If you’re a cis man, you may want to be involved but feel unsure where to start. The goal is to help you find a way to take part.

The methods that rely directly on cis men are condoms, withdrawal and vasectomy. But you can take part in other ways, too.

How can you share responsibility for birth control?

Start by talking about it. You don’t need to have all the answers to get the conversation going. Try laying out the tasks involved and asking each other a few questions:

• Who keeps track of refills?
• Who pays for the costs?
• Who looks into the options and possible side effects?

Then, decide together how to divide the tasks you’ve identified. Take time to talk about your expectations and needs. Even if only one person uses the method, you can still share responsibility. Here are a few practical ideas:

• Decisions: Learn about the options and respect the choice of the person who will use the method.
• Costs: Share the costs and explore insurance or reimbursement options together.
• Logistics: Pick up prescription refills, schedule appointments, and help make sure nothing gets forgotten.
• Side effects: Don’t minimize what the other person is experiencing, and support them if they want to switch methods.
• Unexpected situations: Agree in advance on what to do if a dose is missed or something goes wrong. If it happens, decide together what to do next.

From time to time, check in together to see whether the method and the way you share responsibility still work for you.

In conclusion

There’s no single right way to share the mental load of birth control, and your needs may change. Ask yourselves, “How can we do this together?” Talking openly and adjusting your approach as needed can make a big difference.