This is a completely valid question, especially because sexual orientation is not limited to a single dimension. Research distinguishes among attraction, behaviour and identity. Identity refers, in part, to the term or terms a person uses to describe their sexual orientation (National Academies of Sciences, Engineering, and Medicine, 2022; Felt et al., 2022). This article focuses mainly on the identity dimension of sexual orientation.
These dimensions are related, but they do not always align exactly. For example, a person may feel sexually attracted to people of a certain gender without having had a sexual experience with someone of that gender. Conversely, a particular sexual experience does not necessarily determine how someone defines their sexual orientation (National Academies of Sciences, Engineering, and Medicine, 2022; Felt et al., 2022).
Also, sexual and romantic attraction may align. For example, someone may feel both sexual and romantic attraction toward men. They may also differ: someone may feel romantic attraction toward men without feeling sexual attraction toward them.
How a person understands their orientation therefore depends on which dimension of their experience they are referring to (National Academies of Sciences, Engineering, and Medicine, 2022).
How can I define my sexual orientation?
Some of the most common terms include (Felt et al., 2022; Russell et al., 2023):
- Heterosexuality: romantic and/or sexual attraction to people of a different gender.
- Homosexuality: romantic and/or sexual attraction to people of the same gender. Some people use the terms “lesbian” or “gay” to describe themselves.
- Bisexuality: romantic and/or sexual attraction to more than one gender.
- Pansexuality: romantic and/or sexual attraction that may be experienced regardless of a person’s gender.
- Asexuality: an absence of sexual attraction. An asexual person may still experience romantic attraction.
- Queer: a term some people use when they do not identify with traditional categories of sexual orientation or gender, or when they do not want to define themselves using those categories.
These definitions offer a general sense of how the terms are used, but their boundaries are not always clear-cut. The same label can mean different things to different people, in different contexts and communities. The terms used to talk about sexual orientation also change over time (Felt et al., 2022; Russell et al., 2023).
This list is not exhaustive. Some people use one label, several labels or terms that fall outside the most common categories.
How can I tell which definition best fits me?
It can help to reflect on different dimensions of your experience, such as:
- Who are you attracted to?
- What kinds of attraction do you experience?
- How would you like to describe yourself, if you want to do so?
You do not need to make every past or present experience fit into a single category.
Do I have to choose a label?
Not necessarily. A label can be a useful way to put words to your experience, describe yourself or feel connected to a community, but you do not have to choose one.
Research on sexual identities also shows that labels can carry different personal and social meanings, and that their use can change over time (Russell et al., 2023; Felt et al., 2022).
You can choose one label, use several or choose none.
Can my sexual orientation change?
How a person describes themselves may remain fairly stable or may change over time. Longitudinal studies of adults and adolescents show that some people report changes in their sexual identity (Hansen et al., 2024; Girouard et al., 2026).
In conclusion
Understanding your sexual orientation can take time. A label can help you put words to your experience, but it is not required.
How a person describes themselves may also change over time; research documents a range of experiences. There is no single path you need to follow to understand or define your sexual orientation.
